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Archive for the ‘HUMOR’ Category

CHANGE 2017 remix: 10 signs of age

June 14, 2017 1 comment

1)  Your age is 413 in dog years

2)  Bad hair decade

3)  Coffee runs through you faster than Usain Bolt

4)  Your nieces have graduated from college

5)  You’ve lived through disco 5 times

6)  90s’ nostalgia

7) “Lifelong regrets” regarding M.S. and J.M. continue unabated and you know it is your fault

8)  Jacoby Ellsbury’s being on a “day-to-day” reminds oneself that we all are

9)  AARP sending emails and hard copy is surely a sign of something or other

10)  “Well do ya punk…go ahead, make my day…get off my lawn.”

 

HAIKU 5*7*5* 2017

January 3, 2017 2 comments

Ah, 3, 6, 5, days

Just press lever, get pellet

A mouse in a maze

HAIKU 5*7*5* Tofu

September 21, 2016 1 comment

Perhaps not for you

A glistening cube of soy

Love me some tofu

HAIKU 5*7*5* Kale

I, contrarian

 

Ate kale before it was chic

 

Vegetarian

BASEBALL: Red Sox vs. White Sox 8, Red Sox 6, Post-game wrap-up

June 23, 2016 1 comment

POST-GAME WRAP-UP TOP TEN

1) 75 degrees and 52% humidity is just about perfect.

 

2) Eduardo Rodriguez was one of the few bright spots in last year’s last place debacle and seemed to be on his game but Todd Frazier’s 6th. inning HR put the Chi Sox ahead.

 

3)  David Oritz was thrown out at home by Adam Eaton in the 2nd. inning on a short hit to center by Travis Shaw.  Eaton played the hit well coming in rapidly and throwing accurately to Chi Sox catcher Dioneer Navarro who easily tagged out Big Papi.  As we all know Papi is having an amazing season so far but:

a) He is 40.

b) He is at least 230 lbs.

c) The replay is not recommended for small children unaccompanied by adults.

 3rd. base coach Brian Butterfield made an inexplicable decision to play for 1 run in the 2nd. inning with the Bo Sox down only 1-0 at home.   

 

4)  1 bag of dry roasted peanuts from a vendor =$5.50. 2  Coca-Cola Zero(s) at $5.25 a whack.  I opted for the Coca-Cola Zero rather than Diet Coke for the slightly acidic aftertaste which cleanses the palate.

 

5) $499 for a 1st. base box seat so you can text and take selfies.  Am I the only one who thinks this is just wrong?  Please advise.

 

6)  Former Yankee and PED offender of 2014 Melky Cabrera now sports a beard sans mustache which gives him a vaguely Amish countenance.  Is there an Amish community in the Dominican Republic or is Melky merely attempting to conceal the Shaquille Onealesque double chin sprouting from his 5’10” 210 lb. physique?  You make the call.

 

7) Sandy Leon was picked off 3rd. in the bottom of the 4th where Brian Butterfield directs traffic.  Ortiz is sent, then erased, Leon is picked off…hmmm…

 

8) “Everybody Wang Chung Tonight” was among the cavalcade of music cranked out by the Fenway sound system as is protocol  for all sporting events.  Fortunately,  Josh Kantor’s organ stylings bring back fond boyhood memories of Jane Jacobs at Shea Stadium playing “3 Blind Mice” whenever an umpire’s call was disputed.  The lovely analog tones echo in the grandstand and encourage enough conversation so that folks actually look at the game and each other rather than peering into their phone with earbuds surgically attached. 

 

9)  Peter Gammons bobblehead doll?

 

10)  Koji Uehara served up home runs to Melky Cabrera and Matt Lawrie along with a screaming double hit by Dioneer Navarro before being mercifully relieved by Heath Hembree.  “Relief” is truly the correct word.  Koji is one of my favorites.  Tending bar for the 6th. game of the 2013 World Series while a packed room chanted “Koji, Koji,” is one of my all-time sports memories and you have to love a man who has chosen the 1999 techno mega-hit “Sandstorm” by Darude as his entrance music but…Uehara is 41 and his 88 mph. “fastball” just might not be what it once was.  Just saying…

 

 

 

 

 

CHANGE 2016 remix: 10 signs of age

1)  Your age is 406 in dog years.

2)  Once you had bald spots, now you have hair spots.

3) “Lifelong best friend” turned out to mean her “lifelong”.

4)  You’ve lived through disco 4 times.

5)  ‘#’ went from meaning ‘number’ to meaning ‘pound’ to meaning ‘hashtag’ since you have aged out of middle age.

6)  “Lifelong regrets”regarding J.M. and M.S. means your “lifelong” and deservedly so.  Some wrongs do not go away nor should they.

7)  “You look good for your age,” is finally a real compliment.

8)  You have outlived your father.

9)  1958=58!

10)  “Deserves’ got nothing to do with it.”

SEASONS CHANGE: 2016, APRIL, MLB & NBA…and

April 13, 2016 1 comment

Hello everyone, I have just filed my taxes and have already spent my refund.  This past Sunday skate punks were sporting shorts while just this time last week the Red Sox vs. Indians game in Cleveland was postponed due to snow.  Ah, the ambivalence of April which “comes in like a lamb and leaves like a lion.”  While the symbolism is right I don’t believe sheep are found on the African savanna.

No matter.

To continue the theme of naturalistic metaphors April represents the dovetailing of numerous phenomena; among them the end of the NBA’s regular season and the beginning of MLB.

The Red Sox are 2 weeks into the 162 game marathon that is MLB and yet Clay Bucholz is NOT on the Disabled List…yet.

The Celts have 1 game left and are not sure as of yet who they will oppose.  Playoff intensity is… intense.

This humble data entry clerk will break down  April into the pageant of possibilities that it is.

PERSONAL FAN STYLE(S)

NBA: Frustrated jock

MLB: Fermented fan

IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN

NBA: Nerf ball

MLB: Wiffle ball

CONTRIBUTING TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A MINOR

NBA: Lapera’s driveway

MLB: Self hitting contests with Richard Brody and Emil Wolf at Sands Point Academy

FOOTWEAR

NBA: Kicks

MLB: Cleats

GET A MOVE ON

NBA: Hops

MLB: Wheels

HEAD HONCHO

NBA: Adam Silver

MLB: Rob Manfred

LOGO:

NBA: Jerry West

MLB: Harmon Killebrew

NO PLACE LIKE HOME

NBA: TD Bank North Garden

MLB: Fenway Park

PARKING

NBA: “Didn’t he play for the Bruins?”

MLB: $100 for a SUV at the Mobil at Boylston and Ipswich

LOCAL WILDLIFE

NBA: Scalpers by entrance of North Garden

MLB: Rats by food stands on Yawkey Way

EVERGREEN

NBA: Tommy Heinsohn

MLB: Fenway Park’s Green Monster

LONG BALL

NBA: Steph Curry

MLB: David Ortiz

SCRAPPY

NBA: Celtics’ Isaiah Thomas

MLB: Sox’ Dustin Pedroia

HAIR CARE PRODUCTS

NBA: Celtic Jared Sullinger’s dyed a color not found in nature fauxhawk

MLB: Sox’ Hanley Ramirez’ dreadlocks

MIA

NBA: Celtic Craig Zeller’s playing time

MLB: NESN’s Don Orsillo

BMI

NBA: Celtic Jared Sullinger, 6’9′ 260 lbs.

MLB: Sox’ Pablo Sandoval, 5’11’ 255 lbs

TIME BEGINS

NBA: Tip off

MLB “Play ball”

TIME STANDS STILL

NBA: 25 minutes to play the last 2 minutes

MLB:  By the time David Ortiz spits on his hands, adjusts his jock, straightens his helmet and steps in and  out of the box Trump might well be elected

TIME AFTER TIME

NBA: 25 minutes to play 5 minutes/OT

MLB: It ain’t over ’til it’s over/Extra innings

TIME TO RETIRE

NBA: Koby Bryant

MLB: David Ortiz

CELEBRATE DIVERSITY

NBA: Celtics play the first black player in the NBA, Chuck Cooper in 1950

MLB: Red Sox play Pumpsie Green; the last team in MLB to have a black player in 1959

BEST MONTH

NBA: April!

MLB: April!

So there you have it with April coming in like a lion but leaving like a lamb although hopefully not leaving in the 1st round of the NBA Eastern playoffs or with whatever malady Clay Bucholz is sure to be inflicted with on a day-to-day basis.