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DEFINITION: WHORELIGHTS

Whorelights: Streaked and frost-tipped hair styles, most often found on a young woman; that are garish and call to mind the hair styles of low-end prostitutes. 

Typically they are “created” by the over application of Toni home permanent, marked with masking tape and colored with a mix of hydrogen peroxide, bleach, lye and dyes.

Whorelights is also used as a pejorative describing an inexpertly applied salon dye job.

The presumed intent of the Whorelights is to “enchance” a homemade cut or extend the life of an old salon cut.  This cut is often an off-price variation of the Vidal Sasson asymmetrical geometric cuts that turned hair-cutters into stylists.  As often as not this cut is self-administered or done by a friend.

Whorelights are not the artful streaking of Jennifer Anniston’s tresses as they tumble down the shoulders of a Marc Jacobs dress.  Ms. Anniston has the money and the career that make hair stylists necessary…and wealthy.

Ms. Anniston’s artful streaking signifies her cougar status and her intent to prevail in her media and sexual careers.

Whorelights are not among her many assets.

Nor are Whorelights  the deliberate follicular folly of Lady Gaga who remixes her hair in much the same way as a DJ remixes her music.  Lady Gaga has the money and the career that makes calculated chaos necessary…and revenue producing.

Lady Gaga’s artful artificial hair signifies the veneer of feminism and self-empowerment that is the muse meat dress of her music. 

Whorelights are not among her many failings.

Whorelights are sincere, without irony or pretension.  Native Bostonian women under-25/Townie “girls” may be a vanishing demographic here in the 21st. Century but their devotion to self-administered hair care products insures the visibility of this vanishing tribe.

Conversely this dedication to garish girlishness marks one as a member of an unintentional  less-than-middle-class. 

MA Senator elect Elizabeth Warren (D) may campaign with the mantra that “the middle class is getting hammered” but the working class is getting dyed.

That’s the tangle with prostitution.  A genuine hooker’s tawdry tipping signifies the commercial nature of her being.  Advertisement in both the intent and effect.

Whorelights signify a sincere attempt to charm and attract the viewer into the orbit of the women in question.  However, the amateur nature of Whorelights is given away by the absence of financial investment and the presence of sincerity.

Whorelights end up administering a headshot to the wearer as the effect becomes exactly the converse of the presumed intent.

Whorelights are castigated by the self-appointed hipster intelligentsia.  Bad hair is an intentional emblem for the hipster, men as well as women, to be worn as a post-modern ironic totem of the vanished beauty parlor culture.  The denigrating definition of Whorelights functions as a way for hipsters to retro-claim their slice of hair care obsolescence while ridiculing those who don’t have the cultural antenna that they, the hipsters; posses.

(For a look at the faux bad hair shenanigans of hipsters go to the Midway on Washington St, Jamaica Plain any Saturday night).

Whorelights are a mainstay of the Asian hookers whose few visible modern numbers advertise via their coiffs.  Most often Whorelights begin at the crown of the head in narrow perspective and widen at the ear before narrowing again at the nape of the neck or jacket lapel.  One side is often longer than the other with the left side being ear length and the right reaching the collar.

Whorelights boast the advantage of being easily arranged or mussed with a few fingers.  An application of spray or gel makes a helmet that can withstand the most vigorous socializing. 

However the naive practitioner of hair care fails to recognize that Whorelights are all about the extrinsic message.  In our virtual world tangible extrinsic assets can only be ironic.  Townie girls wear their hair in this way because they like it. 

This cultural contradiction of sincerity marks one as a relic of the 20th Century.

Whorelights used in conversation:

“Dude look at the way the lasers at the Royale bring out her Whorelights!”

“Look at the Whorelights on the women in the Adult section of THE BOSTON PHOENIX.  Nothing says ‘Probable Cause’ like Whorelights.”

“God, Donna you paid $150 at John Dellaria for Whorelights?!  You look like a hooker!”

“Oh my god, I am so embarrassed.  The dye got under the masking tape and now I have Whorelights.  I’ll have to wear a hat.”

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Categories: CULTURE, DEFINITION
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